Dear Québec,

(it's Chuck Klosterman's fault)

I thought it was about time to get these thoughts down, and what better time to post them than la veille de Saint-Jean Baptiste?

I must confess. I AM AN ANTI-SEPARATIST.
No, I don't define myself as a "federalist" or "anti-Québecois" or particularly hateful of anyone who may happen to think that Québec should separate. I'm simply against the idea, and for several reasons.
Now, don't get me wrong -- I am not bashing the positive potential of a local, sustainable economy. Going local is important, and it should be becoming increasingly popular. However, this is not the subject of this rant. The subject of this rant is me wondering exactly for what reasons people believe that Québec should separate from the rest of Canada, and because, a) admittedly, I am not particularly close with many hardcore partisans, and b) having spent my childhood in Nova Scotia, for a long time my initial reaction to the separatist movement has been a giant

?

Now, I am more informed. However, my confusion has all but dissipated.
I'm craving solid arguments for why people vote for the BQ/PQ. In fact, it would be great to see some street interviews on the subject (Clarence style would be utter perfection/hilarity). I want desperately to observe better reasons than simply «Je suis Québecois[e], donc je vote BQ/PQ».
Je m'excuse, mais VA CHIER.
Have you thought this through?

If the separatist parties want better support these days, it's about time to show us a plan. Show us the specific differences that would occur in the hypothetical Pays du Québec. Seriously. It's time for a fucking template, Jacques Fresco style. This is their last chance. Or this is all going to go up in smoke.
They want Québec to be a separate nation from Canada, but to keep CANADIAN passports and CANADIAN currency. And they want to be taken seriously? Just in case you were blind to the last election, they appear to be losing popularity, and fast. It's time to do something before nobody takes you guys seriously anymore. Which is saying a lot, because if there's anything I can say to describe your stereotypical Québecois, it's that they know how to take things seriously. Way. Too. Seriously.
My dear Québec, it's time to think outside of the contextual box, just for a minute. Think of the world populace. If your provincial neighbours can't take you seriously, what about the rest of the world?
Here are my thoughts, Québec. Just sit down patiently for once and open your ears.

«La Belle Province»
Quelle belle province?! I've called another one home for 10 years, and have visited several others. They are all beautiful in their own way. Yet, somehow, a vast number of Québec residents will claim that this one is the most beautiful, more beautiful than all the others. And I can think of only one reason for that: There's No Place Like Home. And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. You can be proud of chez toi all you fucking want, but where is the logic in claiming that it is better than everywhere else if you HAVEN'T LIVED ANYWHERE ELSE, let alone visited anywhere else? There's a line somewhere between feeling proud and feeling superior, and it has been crossed. Sadly, Québec, this is sounding unfortunately similar to a stereotype belonging to our neighbours to the south.

«Crise de culture et de langue»
Québeckers are afraid (and understandably so) that their culture and language is suffering from outside invasion and oppression.
(Wait a second. Oppression? What oppression? Really, who is oppressing you? Where are the English taking the French as slaves?)
Unfortunately, this is where people especially need to wake up. The world has entered the Information Age, Québec included. The influence of culture from outside the province is inevitable. Even if ridiculous douchebag extremes, such as not allowing newcomers to enter the province, were taken on as rule, the internet would not be taken away. Therefore, limiting people's freedoms becomes pointless when compared to the unlimited influence of Internet Culture.
However, such measures are nowhere close to being put into measure, of course. The awareness is there: ANGLO QUÉBECKERS EXIST. And so do Armenians, and Haitians, and Moroccans, and many more. Not to mention that the next few generations will likely see an increase in people who will define themselves as combinations of more than one culture. So Québec, you'll have to keep accommodating if you want to consider yourself "accomodant," as opposed to a nation of backwards-looking, self-interested NATIONALISTS. Everyone's thinking it, I'm just saying it: Where does "cultural preservation" become rampant nationalism?
But if you're still (understandably) afraid of the disappearing of your language, the answer should no longer lie in the strategy of keeping it in the family province. I'm not bashing French-Canadian language or culture, I'm happy to be a part of it. But it's time to realize what it needs to to spread in order to stay alive, which is part of why segregation makes no sense to me, besides the fact that segregation generates hatred. If non-Québec cultures spread to other places, including Québec, shouldn't Québec do the same?

Equivalent exchange, people!

Spread the culture, and spread the language. Which brings me to where the most important tool comes into play: EDUCATION.

EMA Remix: Fuck You Québec… Your Education System Ruined My French…
Here's where it gets personal, Québec.
I spent my childhood in Nova Scotia (translation: New fucking Scotland), which still actually possesses, believe it or not, a few small french communities, remnants of Acadia (Québeckers are not the only french-speakers in Canada! Ever heard of Franco-Ontarians? Yeah, they exist too. Ever heard of a province called New Brunswick?)
I spent 4 years in a French Immersion program there, being taught a french by NON-QUÉBECKERS. By then I was functionally bilingual. Then I moved here, where, for the next 4 years of english High School, I only received 50 minutes of french education per day (an amount that decreased in CEGEP and totally disappeared in University). Combined with the fact that I spoke english with my family and my friends, this made for a major decrease in my bilingualness. My french has gotten better since then, mostly thanks to my bilingual job and my bilingual friends, but that is beside the point. The point is that, had there been a better french education system for anglophones (such as the availability of Immersion programs), my french probably would have continued to improve. And on the wider scale of things, a better french education for anglos could mean better harmony, rather than enmity, between the French and the English in Québec. Then maybe everyone would quit complaining about all the «maudits d'anglophones» and we could all… get along?
The government has a responsibility to their people. And as much as I consider it my responsibility to contribute to this province by speaking french, by personally working on my own development of the language, shouldn't it also be part of the government's responsibility to enable the education of french for those who have trouble with it?

Anglophones don't speak english because they're trying to TAKE OVER or because ANYONE is necessarily anti-FRENCH. We speak english because we are comfortable with it. Because we have the freedom to do so.

This rant is being written in english because I have the freedom to do so.

I want to express a sincere desire for everyone to stop the hatin'. Québeckers need to stop hating on CANADA just because the federal government sucks at the moment. That government doesn't even represent Canada as a whole, so don't define ME by Mr. Harper. People must also stop assuming that the "rest of Canada" is hating on QUÉBEC, because (with the possible exception of Toronto) they're generally NOT. (C'est pas vrai! C'est des rumeurs!) Likewise, the BQ/PQ are not "the only ones keeping the language alive." If you keep with that idea, you are surrendering the responsibility entirely to them. What I'm basically trying to convey in this paragraph is that it is not a government that defines a people. It is a people that defines a people.

My dear Québec, I sincerely hope I don't offend you. Although I'm probably biased due to the influences I've had in my life, you may well be too. I just want you to know that I'm doing this because I care, because I love you, because I don't want to see you disappear. Really.

It's time to live in the present and grow up, Québec. It's time to make the decision: spread and thrive, or box yourself in and die. As long as you remain so ambivalent, the situation will remain, as the show Pure Laine so well put it, «la victoire du Peut-Être».

United we are stronger, divided we are weaker. On both "sides". Isn't it time to put aside our differences and start attending to much more pressing, worldly matters, Québec? It's time for real, friendly communication, as opposed to angry insults. I'm frankly tired of them.

However, if this makes me a traitor to you, Québec, if this rant means to you that I don't love my home, then I don't want to be a part of that. I don't want any part of it. If it means I'm not Québecoise, so be it.
I've made up my mind.

I'm a Montréalaise before that,
and a Canadienne before that,
and a HUMAN BEING, an EARTHLING before
ANY OF THAT.

That said,
Happy Saint-Jean Baptiste Day.

Sarah Galarneau